730 days later.
Two years ago, we declared our first reclamation, and today, we make it official.
Two years. Exactly 730 days. That is how long it’s been since Rachel and I (hi, it’s me, Caitlin!) met up together in Austin, Texas (only our second time meeting each other in real life!) to discuss this project that was just a spark of an idea at the time.
Going into this weekend, we had a lot of convictions; one of which being that women deserved more, and that the world of women’s sexuality in long-term relationships deserved a heck of a lot more.
More conversations.
More research.
More support.
More understanding.
More compassion.
More energy behind solving the very real issues that women are facing in long-term sexual relationships.
But we also had a lot of questions. Mainly, what on earth could we do about it?
Here we are, two years later, and not only are we still in the process of answering that question, but we have a feeling we will continue to be for quite a while.
BUT… we do have a much clearer vision of the creative channel we’d like to use to do this work in the world.
The good news, as we have learned, is that if you have a calling in your heart, you don’t need to have all the answers of “how” you will get there to get started.
All you need is a vision clear enough that you know which way to walk and the courage to take at least one step forward in that direction. Some days that’s all we can do.
(Reminder: Courage does NOT mean that you will not be afraid. Courage means moving forward despite the presence of fear).
That weekend in Austin was really where we took our first baby steps forward. We left our time together with a vague sense of the direction we were heading and a commitment to hold each other accountable and to keep this project moving forward as long as it still felt aligned to both of us.
Oh, and most importantly, we had a name.
Rachel first said the words “Not Tonight”, and we both perked up, knowing the cultural implications behind this phrase. Although these words are often used as a bit of a punchline, we know also how much real hurt, frustration, grief and fear is often the reality behind these words.
But a those two little words sunk slowly into our hearts, we both had a sense that we could take this phrase back and use it in a new, more empowered way.
It was our project’s first reclamation.
We made a bold statement in that moment: “We will no longer stand for the status-quo when it comes to women’s sexuality. Not anymore. Not Tonight.”
Ever since, we have been committed to living out those words.
Most of us recognize that women are fighting an uphill battle when it comes to our sexuality. Since the day we were born we have been receiving incredibly harmful cultural messages about our sexuality as women.
Messages about what our sexuality is supposed to look and feel like.
Messages that instilled a sense of shame and lack of safety in our own bodies.
Messages about what our “job” is as a “good partner” in the sexual experience.
In addition we are fighting against trauma (cultural, inherited and experienced), objectification, coercion, stigmas, violence, lack of access, lack of education, double standards and so on.
There are no shortage of things I could talk about regarding the forces making it incredibly difficult for a woman to be able to fully enjoy and express her sexuality.
And so… this project is really all about Reclamation. It is for women who are ready to step up and reclaim their human right to have a relationship with their sexuality that feels joyful, safe and nourishing. To reclaim that the only message that we need to listen to when it comes to our sexuality is our own voice.
We do this work by learning and growing together.
By challenging old ways and learning new ways of being in this world.
By trusting our own voice, alongside one another.
By talking about it.
And our commitment to you is that we’re going to keep talking about it. Because talking about it brings these issues out of the dark and into the light.
So here we are, two years later, with a few more words added to our project title that echo the heart of what we’re doing here:
The Not Tonight Project: A Women’s Sexual Reclamation Coalition.
It’s time to reclaim our sexuality… together.
This is AMAZING! So glad to see how much the idea has grown and evolved. Keep having the important, impactful and sometimes difficult) conversations because let’s face it, the world needs it.
You both are amazing!