The one where Rachel disappears.

Caterpillars, moving boxes, and how change happens.

Have you ever watched a caterpillar transform into a chrysalis?

Most people are familiar with the transition from cocoon to butterfly, but let me tell you from personal experience that watching a caterpillar become a chrysalis is a weird and jarring process that’s just as remarkable as the butterfly transformation.

We hosted Painted Lady butterflies on our kitchen counter for a couple of springs back during our Covid homeschool years, and it was a fascinating thing watching them grow and change every day. Eventually, each fuzzy crawling thing would make its way to the top of the enclosure and stick itself to the roof, dangling in a “J” shape for a few days.

Then, one day, I saw it happen.

I was doing the dishes one morning when I looked over and saw one particularly fat caterpillar start to wiggle and squirm. Suddenly, its outer fuzzy layer started to peel down from the base and in its place was a smooth, strange blob of chrysalis. The outer layer shriveled up and fell away and what was left was something completely different.

The whole thing took less than ten seconds. It was a miracle I saw the moment at all. As much as I was kind of horrified and grossed out, I was also amazed - how could something go from a J-shaped fuzzy creature with legs into a smooth encased blob in a few moments?

More importantly, why on earth am I telling you this story?

Because sometimes, we enter a new season or a new version of ourselves surprisingly and dramatically fast, as was the case for me this past spring.

You might be saying to yourself, “Some gall you have, Rachel. Sending out juicy and inspiring content on the regular, then just dropping off the face of the earth, only to return with some nasty caterpillar story.”

Sorry, guys, but this was the analogy that spoke to me as I considered how on earth to resurface over here.

I metaphorically hung upside down in my own sort of “J” shape back in the spring, knowing things were about to change, but not understanding just how dramatically. And then, everything got scrambled into goo and I retreated into my own safe cave of transition, without much notice to the world around me.

It was fast, I know, and I apologize for being so MIA.

So… what on earth has being going on inside my cocoon?

Well, for starters, my husband and I had hundreds of hours of conversation around out values and needs and discovered it was time for a big change for us. We made the decision to move our family to a new city over the summer and the last several months have been overflowing with newness, settling, and familiarizing ourselves with this new life.

I now live in an adorable town at the foothills of the Cascade Mountains and I literally could not be happier. I mean, look at the trees lining my street. I feel like I’m living in a movie!

Additionally, Caitlin and I have had dozens of conversations surrounding this business and its purpose, as well as how our desires and needs align with it, and we realized some things needed to change there as well.

Caitlin has some big new things she’s pursuing that I’ll let her share, but I’ll at least say that we’re going through a “conscious uncoupling” of sorts here at Not Tonight, which leaves this business solely in my hands for the foreseeable future.

Please know that Caitlin and I are good, and are looking forward to partnering in business in all sorts of different ways in the future. This has nothing to do with our friendship - in fact, this change will only preserve and nurture our unique cross-country connection even further!

But this leaves me, Rachel, as the sole visionary and owner of this organization. And while it’s a huge responsibility, I’m so incredibly excited about what this means for the future.

You see, another change that’s happened behind the scenes is that I joined a coaching collaborative which enables me to offer personalized support for women in the area of sexuality.

TL;DR: I’m a sex and intimacy coach now!

If you’ve been hanging around our space for a while and wondered why we’ve never offered coaching services, the truth is that we just weren’t ready. But now, I am. And I can’t wait to see what comes of this new chapter!

If you’re curious, you can head here to learn more or book a free discovery call with me.

Disclaimer: all women who are coaching under the Nectarfull umbrella are Christian-based, but the coaching I offer is NOT specific to any religious context. While that’s the background I come from personally, the coaching I provide extends far beyond my personal faith context and serves women of all backgrounds and beliefs.

In addition to offering personal coaching, I’m bringing Women’s Circles back to this space! In the months that I’ve been distanced from this business, I’ve deeply missed these conversations, and I know the other women' who have been a part of them in the past have missed them too.

And so, on November 6th at 10 am PST, I’ll be hosting our next Not Tonight Women’s Circle, and once again we’ll have the opportunity to gather and have a confidential and nourishing conversation about what we’re learning and processing through in our sex lives.

But this time, it’s going to be completely FREE!

Because something I’ve discovered about myself is that I am DONE gatekeeping the opportunity for women to gather and learn together. Every woman should have the opportunity to experience a safe space for real conversations about things they don’t have a place to discuss elsewhere. We all need a place where dark things can come into the light.

So come hang out with me on Zoom in a few weeks, and let’s see what we discover together!

RSVP for the upcoming Women’s Circle here.

And stay tuned for Caitlin’s update - she’ll be sharing on this platform very soon with her version of the last six months, where she’s headed from here, and how you can follow along!

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for making it to the end of this. Thank you for being here, and for having compassion on us as we’ve taken space to re-evaluate and re-group.

I for one am very excited to stretch these wings and see how far they’ll fly!