👋🏻 Hey, we’re Rachel & Caitlin!
And we never, ever thought we’d talk publicly about sex. We’re guessing you also feel the same way!
After radically transforming our own marriages, we set out on a mission together to create culture-changing media that brings a much-needed voice to the complexities of sex in marriage and long-term relationships.
We’ve spent the last several years researching, interviewing, and gathering wisdom to make this project a reality, and we are thrilled you are here with us!
💗 It all started on Facebook.
When we met in an online community focused on improving our respective sex lives, we discovered how much we shared a vision to take our learnings to the world around us.
We spent the following year sending each other hours of voice messages, discussing our personal learnings as well as the visions we each held for a world better equipped to teach healthy sexuality.
These messages eventually narrowed into a conversation about starting a creative business together and thus, The Not Tonight Project was born. First a film, then a podcast, then expanding to an online content & resource hub, the project has been ever-changing as we continue to navigate what we feel is the most needed gap in the conversation about sex.
In its current iteration, The Not Tonight Project is a peaceful yet passionate space for women to explore what it means to reclaim their sexuality in a patriarchal culture that continues to idolize the male sexual experience.
We offer a myriad of free resources, including our podcast, Substack content, downloadable resources, and connections to products and professionals all seeking to support healthy sexuality.
As we continue to expand our reach and research, we look ahead toward making the film a reality, as well as other media that helps women reclaim their sexuality once and for all.
About Rachel
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Wife of 14 years to her first and only relationship, Rachel grew up on the heels of 90s Evangelical purity culture. After marrying at 20 and starting her family nine-and-a-half months later, sex had its challenges. Since experiencing a drastic renewal of her sex life in 2018, she’s since been on a mission to take the shame out of everyday conversations about sex.
While spending her adult life primarily raising children, she has a background in photography and film, and has also worked alongside multiple online coaches, learning lots along the way. The Not Tonight project is, in many ways, a realization of the dreams she held before children entered the picture for her, and she looks forward to seeing where this journey takes her!
Rachel lives in Seattle with her hunky husband and three uniquely wonderful children. When not actively trying to change the world, she enjoys forest bathing, listening to vibey Spotify playlists, and sipping on green smoothies.
About Caitlin
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
After waking up to the cultural lies she had been taught about sex, Caitlin has been on a mission to ensure that sex can not be left out the of the conversation about women's equality.
Caitlin is a Mind Rebel Certified Coach and holds two Master's Degrees in Social Work and Business Administration from the University at Buffalo. Additionally, Caitlin is also CEO of Collective Rise Ventures LLC - a unique organization on a mission to empower women.
Her unique combination of knowledge and experience allows her to have a distinct perspective and insight into the intersection of the process of creating real social change and sustainability. She is a unique voice in the Social Enterprise world and feels passionately that not only is it possible to create businesses where both profit and social impact are maximized, but that when that happens, we change the world.
Caitlin lives in Winston Salem, North Carolina with her high school sweetheart and their three uniquely wonderful children. Caitlin's passions include all things women's empowerment, the process of culture change and living a deeply examined life of authenticity. She believes it is every woman's right to be enjoying the sex she is having, EVERY time - even 20+ years into marriage.
🌎 Our Mission
Here at The Not Tonight Project, we believe that for too long, women have been given a script of sexuality that is molded to fit male desire.
Typically, in long-term relationships, women set aside their desires and needs and defer to their male partner's sexual preferences. Call it attachment issues, people-pleasing, survival techniques... there are countless reasons this pattern has continued long after the Feminist Revolution.
But we're here to say NO MORE.
It's time to throw out that old script, unlearn all the gunk we've ingested, and re-emerge as bold truth-tellers about our own unique desires and needs.
Now, we get to reclaim our sexuality for ourselves - yes, even when we're neck deep in a long-term relationship.
This isn't about discovering our sexuality so we can immediately give it away to our partners, it's about becoming our most authentic sexual selves regardless of our relationship status.
Together, we can change the conversation. And when we change the conversation about sex, power, and gender dynamics, not only do we have better sex... we create a better world.
👉🏻 In this Substack, you can expect:
Bold conversations about the issues we face as women
An honest look at the unhelpful resources out there
(Actually) helpful resources about sex in long-term relationships
Practical ways to continue this conversation in your own world
What are you waiting for? It's time to have better sex.
Join the conversation
Don’t be shy - be part of a community of women who stand for change. Join us in the comments section, or support this work by pledging your paid support (paid subscriptions are not yet offered).
For a better reading experience:
First of all, subscribe so you never miss an update—every new post will be sent directly to your email inbox. Additionally, for a spam-free, ad-free reading experience, plus audio and community features, get the Substack app.
